Motherhood

I love being my lil boy’s mommy.

Even when we go through nights or even days when he screams and fusses, I just look at his lil face and my heart melts.  He screams and fusses not to frustrate us, it’s because he’s frustrated and this is his way of letting us know.

He’s been waking up every 2 hours for the past couple of nights.  It has been painful and I am currently rather broken.  We just don’t know what it is anymore.  Hunger? Tummy pains? Teething pain?  Discomfort from the jabs?  So we’ve been up all night looking after him.  Even amongst all the tears and discomfort, sometimes he’d look at me and give me a smile.  This melts my heart.

I Skyped with my big sister in LV yesterday. She had a bad day but we can always just chat. I told her I still can’t believe I am a mother.  I never thought I would be one but she always believe I’d be.

“I always knew you’d be a good mommy.  You always look after the people you care about.  You’ve always been a mother and sister to me.”

I laughed.  Looking after grown adults and a lil baby are vastly different.

My lil boy takes up pretty much 100% of my energy, time, attention, mind, love, well pretty much almost everything.  I just look at him and have so much love for him.  Even when we’ve been up almost all night and I’m look like a panda zombie.  I’d cuddle him and everything is ok.

I keep telling my partner not to wish the time away.  Don’t keep looking forward to the next stage and not cherishing the current.  Before you know it, the time is gone and you can never get it back.  I regret not taking as many photos as I could when he was a tiny newborn.  The first 4 weeks was a blur.  I don’t even remember much about him being a tiny baby.  I don’t even remember the new baby smell that everyone talks about.  The initial weeks were a lot of sleepless nights and figuring out what the baby wanted.  To throw into the mix, I was still in a lot of pain.

I love simply cuddling him.  Or sitting next to him while he sleeps.  Or just staring into his big smiling eyes.  Simply being with him and enjoy being with him.  He’s growing up very fast.  When he feels unsettled at times, he likes to give me a koala cuddle and put himself to sleep this way.  I love it.  I don’t care what other people say that this should not be allowed as it’ll give the baby a bad sleeping habit.  We had a lot of bonding time taken away from us at the beginning.  I can never get those time back.  But I can cherish all the time we have every single second, every single minute, every single hour, every single day.

Cherish every single moment.