“Well, you now know for next time”

Stop telling me you now know for next time.

Why next time?  Why can’t we do it right THIS TIME?

Why couldn’t we have don’t right THIS TIME?

I really hate the attitude of ‘next time’.  What if there isn’t a next time?  Why do we go about our lives thinking there is a next time.

Oh it’s ok to stuff up now coz we’ll make it up and do it the right way next time.

No.  Just no.

Sometimes there isn’t a next time.  Next time may NEVER come.

I wanted to do it right this time.

He is my first child (and may possibly be my only).

I wanted things to be perfect for him.

But I failed him.  He was taken to the nursery and was hooked up in tubes and was fasted.

He was away from me for the first 24 hours of his life.  He was away while I was asleep after his birth.  I am angry I went to sleep.  I shouldn’t have gone to sleep.

I am angry I didn’t push for them to return to me sooner.

I am angry I am not bonding with him as much as I would like to.

I am angry.

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