How did mothers in the past survive without parenting books/sleep schools/sleep training books? (Alt title: How parenting books/sleep schools can fuck up your first year as a parent)

Right, what’s my beef today?

Parenting books. Sleep Schools.  Sleep Training Books.

What the actual fuck?

From under which rock did they turn up from?  How did mothers in the ye olden times look after their sprouts?  How, really?

As if this parenting (especially first timers) gig isn’t daunting enough.  Desperate parents fork out loads of dough to seek ‘advice’ from these books/schools.  All they do is add more stress to the cause.  Thanks.  No Thanks.

 

Put down awake but drowsy

Good luck to you if you are able to do this.  I don’t know who you are but congrats, well done etc.  You try doing this to some babies and see what happens.  This is not possible for most parents.  For the sake of self-assurance (ok, more of a what the fuck am I doing wrong), I trawled parenting forums to see what other parents are doing.  It’s ok, I’m not the only one who isn’t able to do the put down awake but drowsy bullshit.  Some moms are still rocking/feeding/cuddling to sleep.  Yet most of them have been suffering silently while they read of other moms’ ‘achievements’ in getting their bubs to ‘self-settle’ (oh don’t get me started!) and sleep at the appropriate nap times and night bedtime.

Seriously get the fuck out.

 

Self-settling

HAHAHAHAHAH a 12 week old baby self settles to sleep?  Or some moms like to embellish the truth a little by telling all and sundries that their babies self settle at 6 weeks.

I call bullshit.  Who the fuck are you people?  Do you know babies are babies for a very short while?  You want to put them in a big cot, all alone in a big room by themselves and put themselves to sleep on their own accord?  Who the fuck are you people?

Who was the first person who came up with this genius of an idea that it is good for the baby to be put flat on the cot, in its own room, by itself, self-settles in the early weeks so as to be independent?

 

Sleep through the night

Just have a quick glance through parenting forums and you will find the common question asks for how to get baby sleep through the night.  Look, most babies don’t.  It’s natural for them to wake up during the night.  Maybe once, maybe twice, maybe I don’t know.

To expect a 6 or even 12 week old baby to sleep through the nigh is ridiculous.  Reality is some babies won’t even sleep through the night at 2 years old.

Get used to it.

I know I’d been stressed for the past months of WHY ISN’T THE BABY SLEEPING! But now, I appreciate all the extra cuddles times

 

Cry It Out

Why would you intentionally let your baby cry it out?  So it won’t be dependent on you?

They are babies, they are supposed to be dependent on you!

 

Breast is best

Ok, we all know breast milk is best for your baby.  But what happens if you are not able to breastfeed?  It’s frightening how many of these ‘experts’ are saying to persist as breastfeeding is the most natural thing (oh, like vaginal birth without drugs?).  This puts a lot of pressure on some moms who want to (or maybe not want to) but can’t.  Can’t/not able to, due to a myriad of reason.  Not all new moms can breastfeed and this can be distressing.   We should encourage FED IS BEST.

 

Being a first time mom is a learning curve.  It is daunting enough for most of us (I say most because judging by ‘instagram moms’, seems to be an easy gig for them, in between baby wearing and breastfeeding and housewarming and looking glam all at the same time).

 

Ditch the books.  If you can’t, take and disregard.

 

My human child and my furry child

So this is happening in my household.

My partner got our human child a walker (a Joovy Spoon – best of all the walkers he’s researched on) and he loves it.

Put him in it and he’s the happiest boy ever, zipping and bolting around the place.

He loves his walker!

But he also loves his furry sister.

Every opportunity he gets, he wants to be near her.  He’s so happy now that he is mobile on his own accord.  He seeks out his sister to play with.

However, little human child hasn’t learnt the skills of gentle as yet.  While he loves to bolt toward his sister to touch her, she defiantly sits in the middle of his path.  This is a recipe for a lot of tears.  From her.

Lately, she’s become more needy.  She never used to like much attention from us, happy to just do her own thing.  She’s been wanting more from us lately and becoming more daring in sitting near her human brother.  Well she really wants to be near us so she gets pats.  But that’s the sort of risks she is willing to take.

She didn’t want to be near him for the first 6 months.  Then one day, while he was having his afternoon nap, I found her laying at his feet during his nap time.  I think it’s at that point, she’s decided this little human is ok.

It’s a big change for the old girl, having been an only child and now she needs to share the attention and love.  But she gotta look at this way, she’s getting more love – from another human!

 

 

 

Mommy Introvert (alternative title: I am an introvert and a first time mom)

I am an introvert.

And I am comfortable with this.

However since giving birth, I have started to question how this will impact my child.

I have read all these stories of moms going to play groups, mothers groups, play dates etc and I wonder am I denying my child of something by not going to these groups?  It seems that these groups are more for the benefit of the mother than the child.

I have no desire to go hang out with other mommies comparing child raising notes.  Being a first time mom is daunting enough.  Just imagine the constant comparison.  This would drive me beyond insane.

Perhaps after he’s had his 12th month’s vaccinations, I could start taking him to swim classes.  Not sure how that’d go down though.

Rejection from my child

This sounds rather pathetic but I feel rejected by my child.

The child I’d gone to hell and back for.  The child I love with all my heart.  The child I’d sacrificed my life for.  The child I could not imagine I’d be a mother to (because I didn’t think I’d be a mother).  The child who doesn’t like to sleep.  The child who now whines more than laughs.

Yes my child.

This very child prefers his dad though.  His face lights up when his dad enters the room.  His face lights up when he sees his dad comes through the door  when he finishes work.  He cries and whines and screams when he can’t see his dad.  No amount of love nor cuddles from his mother could comfort him.  The only thing that can turn the sad face into a smiley face is his dad.

How do I feel about this?  I feel sad.  I feel hurt.  I feel rejected.  I feel incompetent.

I ask myself where did I go wrong?  Why does my child reject me?

I don’t have an answer.  He just prefers his dad.

No matter what it is, I am still his mother.

I still love him no matter what.